Dem Guns, Dem Guns

It's almost as if Page A-26 had been a fly on the wall when Dick "the Dick" Cheney, Karl "Turd Blossom" Rove, Tony Snowjob, Ken "Ferret Face" Mehlman, and the right honorable and in no way subjective General David Petraeus were deciding which cover story to use and how to spin the press about the missing guns in Iraq. Page A-26 guessed it would be pinned on a hapless supply sergeant in Kuwait -- and Petraeus' fall guy for today: clerical errors. Thank you very much, we'll be here all week.

Let's look a bit more closely at the details of this missing weapons story. It's not just weapons that are missing, it's body armor and helmets. Body armor? Wasn't there some big hullaballoo about how the troops didn't have body armor and how we went to war with the Army we had and not the Army we wanted? After first trying to deny it, didn't Bush and Rummy promise that the troops would get their body armor? Maybe it wouldn't have taken years and the lives of hundreds of US troops if not for those pesky clerical errors. Damn you logistics!

You know who hasn't had any shortages of weapons and proper protective gear? Private military contractors, otherwise known as mercenaries, soldiers of fortune, hired killers. We're talking the usual suspects like Blackwater, Aegis, and even some boys that we helped train for General Pinochet in Chile.

If the press or the GAO or the Pentagon or any other interested party really gave a damn about this story, they would listen to Page A-26 and look at two possibilities: the guns never existed (which would be nicely covered by Petraeus' little clerical snafu story) or they went directly and free of charge to our shadowy, unregulated, murderous, private contractor proxies (which would give the shadowy, unregulated, murderous profiteers a nice little bump to their profit margin by giving them free weapons). It's almost as good as the free cash that up and vanished while the private military contractors were supposedly guarding it. Anybody seeing a pattern here?

And because no serial numbers were ever recorded, the guns can never, ever, ever, never be located, accounted for, or traced to anybody. How convenient. Maybe the missing guns are with Saddam's missing weapons of mass destruction?

As pressure and embarrassment mount about this story, look for the Cheney neocon-men and the Bush Crime Family to pin the blame on the Iraqis. Also look for lots of stories about how those guns that the Iraqis lost are now being used by "insurgents" against US troops. (Wait, we thought it was Syria and Iran who were supplying the insurgents with weapons and materials? Now we're supposed to believe it's actually the Iraqis who are supplying themselves?)

Anything to steer you away from the thought that a) those guns never existed, or b) they are safely in the hands of whoever it is the Supreme Dick wanted to them to go to, whether that be private contractors, Sunni insurgent groups, or whoever else it is that the US is too embarrassed to admit in public that they're supplying with deadly weapons.

Chances are we'll never know the real truth about this missing guns incident, but there are some things we definitely do know.For example, we know the weapons are unaccounted for, we know money was appropriated for these weapons by the Pentagon and paid to suppliers, but we also know they never made it to the troops. And we know that the lying, corrupt Bush Administration has been in charge of prosecuting every iota of this war from day one.

This incident should mark the tipping point toward impeachment for this Administration. Either they're horribly incompetent and don't deserve to be in charge, or they're horribly corrupt and deserve to be in prison. Come on America, it's one or the other (possibly both).

As Page A-26 said when this story originally broke: missing guns? There's no missing guns.